THE ZOM ZOM CHRONICLES CHAPTER 7 ( Road Rage and The Ethics of Ramming a Shopping Cart )
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Road Rage: The Ethics of Ramming a Shopping Cart
[ VEHICLE: LIME GREEN PRIUS ]
01. Eco Warrior
- MOOD: Motion Sick
- STATUS: Double-parked in a red zone
Driving a lime green Prius through the apocalypse is a surreal experience. The car is silent. It hums politely while we weave through burning trash cans.
Driver Profile: Brenda
Drives like she manages: aggressive, efficient, and without hesitation.
02. The Destination Debate
FOB Requirements:
- Shelter
- Defensible entry points
- Running water
"MY APARTMENT!" I shouted. "IT HAS GOUDA!"
Brenda: "Is it smoked or aged?"
Me: "Aged. 18 months."
Brenda: "Acceptable. We are proceeding."
03. The Scenic Route
The city is a weird mess. We passed Yoga Zen on 5th. It turns out, muscle memory is a curse.
Anomalies Detected:
- The Yoga Zoms: Doing an aggressive Downward Dog. If you die doing yoga, you spend eternity stretching.
- The Apple Store: Completely untouched. Even zombies know the glass walls are too clean to walk into.
04. The Blockade (Kinetic Breach)
Obstacle: Shopping Cart Wall
Location: Main and Elm. Dozen Zom Zoms milling behind it.
> INITIATING 'POWER MODE'
"I did not endure three rounds of budget cuts to be stopped by a collection of wobbly-wheeled baskets."
— Brenda
CRASH-CLANG-BANG. 40 MPH.
05. Home Sweet Fortress (The Regal Arms)
Pre-war brick building. Heavy doors. Fire escape. Intact.
Inventory Check:
- ✅ The Ex-Calibur (Just a stick now)
- ✅ Mechanical Keyboard Shield
- ✅ Modded Nerf Gun
- ✅ 1 Disdainful Cat (Carrier)
06. The Landlord Boss Fight
A figure stepped into the streetlight. Mrs. Gable, the landlord. She didn't look like a zombie. She just looked like a landlord holding a leaf blower.
"RENT WAS DUE YESTERDAY."
> Sneak Attack Detected:
The UPS guy zombie appeared behind her, holding his own detached arm. Mrs. Gable revved the leaf blower. We ran.